I do apologize as I have not posted it appears since Christmas. My mind and heart have been heavy this past 5 weeks as I lost my beloved Papa on December 30th. I am so grateful that I got to have him here in Grundy Center with me during his last 5 weeks. He moved into the long term care unit of the hospital that I work in- so I was easily able to see him everyday. We started a routine whereas I would visit him after I got off work at 5:30. I would go down to the long term care unit- we would listen to his Anne Murray CDs (he loved her so I got him some CD's seemed to calm him down). I would feed him his evening snack of icecream and then give him a massage to his hands and arms and wipe his face and head with a cool cloth. I sure enjoyed spending that lil extra hour and a half with him. He had spent the last 20 years living up in North Dakota in Devils Lake. He lived at Woodland Resort and was the Campground Host- a title he was so very proud of. So, although I have been very close to my father since I turned 12 and decided to move to Missouri to be with him; while he was up in ND- I generally only saw him twice a year due to the distance. So to have him here with me was so incredibly nice. When my sister and I brought him down to the VA hospital in Iowa City before Thanksgiving- we knew he wasn't well. When he came to Grundy Center- I knew he wasn't well. When he was first hospitalized in Grundy, I knew he wasn't well. When I took him for his video swallow- and he could only handle pudding thick liquids without aspirating (food going into his lungs instead of his stomach)- I knew he wasn't well. When he was hospitalized in Grundy- then at Allen in Waterloo- I knew he wasn't well. And the very day he died- I knew he wasn't well. BUT- in the end- none of that has eased the pain. I have lost my forever hero- one of my best friends- one of the people who loved me and understood me the best in the whole world. More than ANYTHING I wanted to be there when he died holding his hand and telling him how much I loved him- more than ANYTHING I NEVER wanted him to die. So we are on the "grief-go-round". My version of a merry-go-round. You may go safely up for a while as you turn the circle- only to find yourself back down. Just as all of the grief books I have read in the past 4 months have stated- grief is NEVER a linear process. But, one day at a time- one foot in front of the other- we go on- for we really have no choice.
I will post more tomorrow- for although I haven't been posting on here- I have been very busy praying and sending out numerous books to people in need. Tomorrow- I will post a brief summary, so if you would like- you can join in and pray for others along the way too.
God Bless You where ever and who ever you are- for you are loved- you are cherished- and you are everything to someone in the world. We ALL are.
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